


To Have and to Hold

by GofficPizzaCrusts



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-01
Updated: 2015-04-01
Packaged: 2018-03-20 18:25:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3660567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GofficPizzaCrusts/pseuds/GofficPizzaCrusts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kinoto gives Tenzou a visit, years later after Danzō grudgingly relieved Kinoe of his Root ANBU duties.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Have and to Hold

**Author's Note:**

> Remember him? There is a general lack of Kinoto x Kinoe stories. I decided to make a one-shot.

Like clockwork, as was most nights, Tenzou looked at the window in his bedroom. It was way past the witching hour, and the flimsy breeze of an otherwise muggy summer did not help to dampen the sweltering heat creeping inside his bedroom. Konoha and its notorious summers often left everyone in the village clamoring for wetness or the cold. Absently, he stared at his lagging ceiling fan and wondered if he should buy one of them industrial-strength fans available in the market. Granted, his electricity bills will never be the same once he installs one, but he could not take the heat plague anymore, especially during the dog days. He made mental notes to drop by at the market to look for one during a day off from work.

Tenzou imagined how it would feel like to live in the Land of the Mist or the Land of Iron, where damp and frost was always present whenever you need them. Is he ready to give up the sunny confines, the fiery heart of Konoha for such places? Tenzou shook his head; most probably not. One; no right-thinking shinobi would just traipse away from his birth village because of the lack of certain conveniences. The price of defection will always be blood. Two; duty calls for him in the village, a village he had pledged to love and protect by all means. A principle that was deeply instilled in him by no other than his senpai. Three; he bears the DNA of the First Hokage and carries his bloodline limit. He was not a strapping, spot-on clone of the First, exactly, but he can wield his Mokuton ceaselessly with enough weight and command. Konohagakure owns him. Tenzou cannot do anything about it but to serve his village and its people with all his heart.

His musing was interrupted when he felt that familiar chakra once again. Like all other steadfast, vigilant ninja, Tenzou makes sure his apartment was safeguarded at all times. Seals confined all openings and Tenzou doubled up its strength whenever he was at home, sleeping. The intruder outside knows this as well; the person didn’t dare just get inside his abode with impunity, even though he can surely loiter about without a sound from the balcony. The first time he came across that chakra evenings ago, he was instantly wary and curious, the mess that took place in Root was still fresh in his mind. However, the chakra, the person’s aura did not feel wicked and ominous. It was there, laid bare for Tenzou to perceive its presence.

To add, the body the chakra belonged to was not from the person he had been hoping would grace his bedroom window. Night after night, he hoped, to no avail.

Tenzou waited for the person to attack, but its chakra remained of no threat to him. It felt strangely recognizable yet lonely for it reminded Tenzou of where he stood before meeting Kakashi.

He was still outside, and like most nights, waiting. Waiting for an invite, for a recollection.

And this time, Tenzou decided to let him in.

Without so much noise, Tenzou slipped his pants on and wiped off sweat that gathered on his body with a towel. He walked over to the window and released the row of seals lining the corners. He opened the sliding shutter a bit more, wide enough to let his visitor in.

“ANBU-san, you may come in..” Tenzou uttered loud enough for the older man to hear.

Kinoto, who stood atop the sturdy branch of a jasmine tree, nodded. A wide leap from the tree to the balcony, and Kinoto soon found himself inside his former partner’s bedroom. Tenzou gave him a chair beside his bureau to sit on, and Kinoto removed his mask and his black cloak, his swords, pouches. Tenzou studied his face for a minute. Kinoto was taller and brawnier now, seasoned by their profession, his skin slightly tanned from missions. Kinoto was Kakashi’s age, a fellow ANBU from Root, but that’s where the similarities ended. Where Kakashi’s face displayed surprisingly delicate features once unmasked, Kinoto’s was more masculine and ruggedly handsome in his own way. He had the blackest hair which stood up in neat spikes, brushed away from his face and the same color eyes as Tenzou’s.

“It’s been years, Kinoto-san..” Tenzou said softly, his smile light and sparse. There’s always that cautious feeling somewhere inside of him that put him on guard when he had to deal with somebody from Root. They were partners once, Kinoto and he. They have sparred with each other and have killed their fair share of enemy ninja together, but still, he was with Danzō. Whether the elder sent Kinoto to spy on him, regain his trust so Tenzou will surrender vital inside information to him or whether Kinoto visited him on his own accord (which was kind of unlikely, even dangerous for a Root ninja), Tenzou has to know just yet.

Kinoto nodded once more, a small smile gracing his features. “I know, Kinoe-kun..”

“Tenzou.. I go by Tenzou now..” Tenzou answered back evenly. Kinoto looked up and uttered an embarrassed ‘sorry.’ Tenzou chuckled and once more looked his former comrade in his dark eyes.

“How are you doing, Tenzou-kun?” Kinoto said.

“I’m doing good, Kinoto-kun.. What about you?” Tenzou asked the older man.

“Fine likewise.. You know how it is down there. Shady business as usual..” Kinoto shrugged, then smiled gently, looking at Tenzou curiously. He pointed at his own head of hair, and made scissor-cutting motions at the younger ANBU.

“You finally cut your hair..” Kinoto said with amusement. Tenzou’s eyes shot up at the cowlicks hanging all over his forehead while his hand raked what remained of his once-long nut brown tresses. He chuckled good-naturedly.

“Yeah.. Shorter is good. Especially if you have to do most of the village’s nastier work..”

“You don’t look like a girl anymore..” Kinoto mused. Tenzou chuckled, slightly embarrassed at the teasing.

“A bad joke even now, Kinoto-kun..” Tenzou retorted, grinning.

“I’m sorry.. Who cuts your hair by the way? Your senpai?” Kinoto joked once more.

“Oh, no. Kakashi-senpai cannot cut his way out of a paperbag.. Weaponry he can brandish with expertise, but hair and scissors are alien concepts to him..” Tenzou jested back.

They both laughed gently, the mood now light and relaxed. Tenzou cleared his throat and glanced up at Kinoto with wariness. “Why are you here, Kinoto-kun? Aren’t Foundation shinobi supposed to be in the Root HQ at all times?”

“I just finished a mission, decided to drop by.. I just want to see how you’re doing.. It had been, complicated as of late, huh.. From what I’ve heard.. I want to know if you’re okay..”

Tenzou sat up straighter, his fingers clutching the edge of the bed. Kinoto was referring to the grisly Uchiha Clan massacre that happened nights ago. The execution of clan members was instigated by one of their former comrades; the youngest ninja ANBU has ever permitted to join its ranks, Itachi Uchiha. Itachi wiped out almost all living Uchiha except for one, his younger brother Sasuke. Before the tragedy happened, the Uchiha clan was secretly planning a mutiny against the village for its continued suspicions regarding the clan’s alleged participation in the Nine-Tails attack. Team Ro was deployed in the Uchiha district to placate clan members in order to prevent the onset of a civil war. Kakashi, Tenzou and the rest of Team Ro were ready to face a mob of angry clan members in the district, but a different scene greeted them once they got there.

The whole district was horrendously quiet. Corpses were strewn about, riddled with blood on the streets, lying lifeless inside their own homes. Danzō appeared to tell the team that it was Itachi who had done it all. According to the elder, the now-rogue ninja has long abhorred his own clan to the point that he even stole his cousin Shisui’s Sharingan and complete his plans for a more magnified power. Itachi has left the village, and was declared an S-rank criminal by the Sandaime after the incident.

Itachi killed his own parents, Tenzou thought with dread. He, who can’t even remember what his own parents looked like, what it felt to be loved and cared for by a family he can call his own, thought that what Itachi had done was beyond the pale. Tenzou tried to understand his former comrade, but found out that he could not fully fathom Itachi’s intentions. If Tenzou was confused and shaken with Itachi’s behavior, it was Kakashi who suffered the most. His senpai was devastated at whatever pushed Itachi to do such acts of malevolence. Then again, Kakashi blamed himself and his general lack of ability to stop the young Uchiha from committing a grave mistake.

Tenzou remembered the time Kakashi and he made love days after the incident, after consoling his senpai of his fears and his supposed failures. It was an upsetting, agonized, obsessive thrusting that left him powerless and bruised the next day. Before Kakashi was taken over by sleep, Tenzou planned to have a long talk with him during breakfast about his behavior but Kakashi left before he even woke up. After a briefing for a new mission with the team, Kakashi set him aside and apologized for his ways the night before. Once again, Tenzou was rendered incapable of rebuking his senpai. Kakashi looked so rundown inside, withdrawn and distant. Kakashi has stopped talking to him about the Uchiha incident, and for a week their conversations revolved around missions, training and the dreaded small talk. The rough, brutish sex was their last and these past nights Tenzou spent most of his evenings all by himself.

It had been a week, and he missed seeing a strong, proud Kakashi, even if said strength and pride was a sham. They have a mission coming, and he’s never seen hide nor hair of his senpai in days.

I missed him, Tenzou thought, a barrage of hurt assailing him yet again in slow, dizzying waves. Quickly, he put the thought in the back of his head and tried to stop the dams from breaking. Tenzou cleared his throat and stood up, glancing at Kinoto with what he hoped was a warm smile.

“Kinoto-kun, would you like some tea? A drink of water?” Tenzou offered the older ninja.

“Ice water would be nice.. The weather, as you can see, is brutal..” Kinoto said, grinning.

“Yes, it’s scorching out there. Let’s go to the kitchen..” Tenzou answered back.

“I don’t mind.. Thank you, Kin—, Tenzou-kun..” Kinoto said.

The older man followed Tenzou to the kitchen. He sat on a chair while he looked at Tenzou gather ice from the freezer and a pitcher of water. Tenzou ran a row of ice cubes under the tap water, struck the container lightly by the sink to loosen the ice cubes then poured the frozen bits on the pitcher. He picked two clean glasses from the cupboard and Kinoto received them with appreciation. Silence surrounded them for a time, each grateful for the icy pick-up. Once Tenzou finished his glass of water, he spoke.

“What do you think of Itachi betraying his own clan, Kinoto-kun?” Tenzou said evenly. Kinoto stared at the younger ANBU, then looked away. There was grief written on his face and at the same time, a determination that was emblematic of Kinoto.

“Of course, it was a shock, and a fellow ANBU at that. ANBU is known for doing the bulk of filthy, complicated missions that regular Konoha shinobi wouldn’t dare touch with a 10-ft pole, but what Itachi-san had done was utterly reprehensible. The guy might have his valid reasons to do commit such a sordid act, but it seems according to Danzō-sama, Itachi-san did it to gain more power. He killed his own cousin, the one with the strongest Sharingan in the clan, after all. His quest for power doesn’t justify his aims to destroy the entire family..” Kinoto said.

“Betrayal.. Just to acquire a godlike power, you commit devious actions to attain it.. It’s not entirely shocking in the world of ninja.. It’s always there, often expected to happen. Like breathing and other simple acts that we do every day..” Tenzou said softly, a bitter smile curving his lips. Kinoto exhaled long and ragged. He glanced at his former Root ANBU team mate, a guilty, downcast look crossing his face.

“Do you hold it against me?” Kinoto murmured. Underneath the table, his hands were gathered into fists. He sat rigid in his seat and waited for the younger ninja’s reply. He remembered Kinoe running away from him and being ordered by Danzō to get both Kinoe and Kakashi back to him. With a sick heart, Kinoto did as he was told by his superior. By then, Kinoe has proven himself to be an able ANBU shinobi, expertly wielding his Wood Release against him and Danzō’s men, his former comrades. The Sandaime appeared in the Foundation in the nick of time, and Kinoe was finally turned over to the Hokage’s side, despite Danzō’s disapproval.

Kinoto saw the way Kakashi approach the boy; the praised ANBU ninja looked at his younger charge with admiration while Kinoe cast Kakashi the same appreciative stare. Even more than that, Kinoe obviously looked up to his future senpai. More than the glaring admiration, there was respect. Kinoto felt envy at the moment. Not only did Kakashi take away one of Root’s most proficient shinobi, he also had to capture the boy’s heart. Something that he was not able to do during Kinoe’s tenure in the Foundation.

However, Kinoto was a genuinely decent guy. Even though he was placed in Root, Konoha’s hardline faction of skilled underground shinobi with even dirtier tactics and propaganda hidden inside their animals masks and inky cloaks, Kinoto did not seek revenge nor even harbor hate for the decorated, silver-haired ninja. He stayed hopeful that he will still see Kinoe outside of the Foundation. In time, he realized the boy was better off without Root’s guidance. Word of mouth claimed that the only wielder of the First’s Kekkei Genkai was fast becoming one of ANBU’s most formidable shinobi and he had to give Kakash extra credit for grooming his charge in the most positive of ways.

Now that he had actually gathered the courage to commit a slight transgression from Danzō’s strict tenets of socializing with non-Root members outside of a mission, he only had one thing in mind. He wants to know whether Kinoe, Tenzou still thought badly of him after the Foundation mess from years ago. The tides of affection he felt for the younger man he can agonize over in the end, but there were far more important things in his mind that needs answers straight from Tenzou.

“Kinoto-kun.. To answer your question, it’s a no.. I mean, I have forgiven you a long time ago. You acted upon orders from your superior.. I can understand that.. You are Root.. You must obey orders and not question its nature..” Tenzou said softly. He leaned back against the sink and offered the older shinobi a reassuring smile.

“I betrayed you..” Kinoto said weakly. “I was the one who strapped you down..”

“What happened in the past will stay right there.. And I believe you have regretted what you have done. There’s no need to dwell on it. It’s a small lapse in principle as compared to offing an entire clan..” Tenzou said gently. “Besides I still believe that all Konoha shinobi should be comrades, and that includes all Root.. You.. Kakashi-senpai taught me that.. The beauty of friendship, of solidarity among all Leaf ninja to achieve the common goal of protecting the village from all sorts of harm..

“Senpai did not kill me even though I’ve tried to kill him twice.. He made me realize the things I lacked as a ninja.. It was through him that I grasped the hard fact that one should not let missions surpass one’s allegiance to a comrade..

“Kinoto-kun, I would like to tell you the things Kakashi has taught me, the distinctions that I saw between the Foundation and being under the Hokage’s direct command, but as you know, as a Root member once, we have our limits..” Tenzou murmured, remembering their cursed seals. Kakashi was a witness to Root’s malice, so talk about the Foundation and Danzō never came up between them. Kinoto nodded back. He gave the young man a grateful, yet tentative smile back.

“Thank you, Tenzou-kun..” Kinoto murmured. Tenzou held his hand out to the older ninja, and they shook hands. Kinoto’s hand lingered long after the firm handshake, Tenzou eventually pulled his own.

“Am I disturbing you? Maybe I should go back now..” Kinoto made as if to stand up.

“No, please stay..” Tenzou said.

To Kinoto, those words sound far sweeter than Tenzou’s actual utterance of forgiveness for his part on the Root incident. His face lit up and he felt happier that Tenzou smiled openly back at him.

“What are we going to talk about then if we can’t talk about that place where we came from?”

Tenzou chuckled. They were back to awkward conversations again.

“I don’t know.. Personal lives?” Tenzou said meekly, scratching his head.

“To what extent?” Kinoto answered back.

“Beats me.. Apart from mission stuff, relationships, friends you’ve made outside?”

Kinoto seemed amused by Tenzou’s answer and replied back with a playful smirk. “You’ll get nothing but the boring out of me.. We Root ANBU lead uneventful, repetitive lives. Let’s talk about Kakashi-san instead..”

Tenzou sighed softly and smirked. “What’s so fascinating about Kakashi-senpai? His supposed cool, hip and trendy attitude? You know Kinoto-kun, senpai might seem like a cold-hearted assassin in the battlefield, but in truth he’s a teddy bear inside. With matching fruit-flavored lollipops..”

Kinoto chuckled back and leaned against his seat. “You’re kidding me, right?”

“Yes..” Tenzou answered back quickly, laughing.

“Then he’s a regular iceman..” Kinoto murmured.

“Not exactly. He doesn’t bullshit people and he’s quite detached, doesn’t get too excited over things unlike his friend Gai-san, but he’s one of the coolest people you’ll ever meet. One of the most honorable and dignified. If he’s here, senpai might not approve of me saying those things. But he’s all that and a bag of unshelled walnuts.. He practically gave me the name I am using right now, and most importantly, a heart.. I am beholden to him.. But—“

Tenzou stopped himself, then looked away from Kinoto’s probing gaze. He felt so comfortable with Kinoto now, that he could not avoid the slip. The younger ninja gave him a cheery smile and spoke back.

“It’s nothing, Kinoto-kun. There are plenty of things in my mind right now, things that I have to settle myself..” Tenzou said. He grabbed the pitcher and filled his glass midway with water.

“Then why do you look so.. I don’t know, torn apart, Tenzou-kun..” Kinoto said softly with hesitance. Silence once again descended between them and tried to stifle their connection.

“Is Kakashi-san bothering you?” Kinoto tried once more.

For the longest time, Tenzou did not speak. It was the truth. He has plenty of shit to settle with Kakashi and he was beginning to shrink from the outcome, had his fears were proven to be true. Things had been rocky for him and Kakashi now that he was coming of age, and it was made even worse by the Uchiha episode. They have an agreement which went beyond the simple senpai/kouhai relationship, and it was nearing its end. The main issue was, prior to their agreement, he fell for his senpai a long time ago. It was not a love that occurred because he was instructed to do so. It came out of the blue, so violent and piercing that it amazed and plagued Tenzou. It was a love that stemmed from a simple admiration for his senpai’s strength and doubled with intensity when he got to know Kakashi better, was made familiar with hi senpai’s personal heavens and the monstrous, almost cannibalistic darkness that lurked within him, ate at him.

The younger ninja now realized that those years and years of trysts he had spent with his superior were not enough. He realized he wanted more than a simple fucking pact with an expiration date. He wants his senpai to love him back, unconditionally. Without restraints, without holding back, the way he was with Kakashi. Tenzou knows he doesn’t have all the power in the world to do just that, make Kakashi feel the same way about him. His senpai was far more damaged than he could have imagined and the solace he had given him were not sufficient enough to heal deep-seated hurts and the still-gaping wounds of tragedies past.

Tenzou felt a light hand clamp his shoulder. Kinoto was now standing beside him with a look of concern. The air around them was getting muggier; there’s the chance of rain now and Tenzou hoped it will fall down in crazy torrents to drown out his despair.

“Tenzou-kun.. I hate seeing you like this.. Following the incident, there, I sincerely hoped you’d be happier outside.. Right now I am thinking of the opposite.. Why would Kakashi-san make you feel this way? I did not expect for something like this to happen. He admires you, from what I have seen back then. And you… You held him in the same regard..”

Tenzou turned around unhurriedly to face his former Root partner. Kinoto gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze and he was surprised when the younger man put his own hand on top of his.

“Kinoto-kun.. They say I am proficient in the ways of the ANBU, but little do they know.. I have committed possibly the most foolish move of all.. I fell in love with somebody who could not love me back.. That’s basically it… My life story.. My epitaph should read ‘Here Lies Tenzou, A Dumb Shit Who Wrongly Fell For His Senpai’.. Pretty fitting, isn’t it?” Tenzou said, a bitter laugh escaping his lips.

It was what Kinoto had been suspecting all along. Confirmed finally, straight from Tenzou’s softly trembling mouth. He readied himself for another salvo of truths. If Tenzou was hurting like this, then there had to be more behind it. His heart ached for his companion of long ago, and if Tenzou asks for his comfort tonight, he was more than willing to give whatever he got.

“What happened between you and Kakashi-san?” Kinoto asked the younger man gently. Tenzou took his hand away from Kinoto’s and he dragged in a lengthy breath. Kinoto can see the pterigoid muscles on Tenzou’s jaw tighten, the corner of his lip rise into what looked like a pensive smile.

“Ours surpassed the limits of a simple senpai/kouhai bond, Kinoto-kun.. Kakashi-senpai was my teacher, a friend, a cheerleader of sorts. Apart from strengthening my skills, teaching me the ANBU ways and developing whatever my bloodline limit can provide, we pledged ourselves to each other and our relationship became exclusive. We would take in no other lover, male or female. Kakashi-senpai was my first everything when it comes to certain intimacies..

“But this pledge has its bounds. When I come of age, Kakashi-senpai will let go of me. Both of us will be free to do our own thing and do whatever we damn well please. Senpai hopes that ours will expand into an enduring bond of comradeship, but at this moment, I am having second thoughts about it. I don’t see it happening because, hell, it was all my fault anyway..”

Tenzou stopped and took steady, deep breaths. He was not about to spill Kakashi’s vulnerabilities to Kinoto, as kind and compassionate as he presented himself to be. Kakashi might have done a number on his head and his heart, but he won’t stray and reveal his senpai’s weakest qualities. Kakashi’s inability to get rid of the past, for instance. His nightmares and his thoughts about his dead friends. The pain that made Kakashi into the person he was today, it will never be laid bare for all the world to see.

“I never really knew the workings of Kakashi’s mind.. Well, at first I thought I did, but that’s what you’ll ponder initially when a person confesses a part of him that no other people know about.. Kakashi, I know him as an honorable man who would die for his country, as a slick ANBU hunter who can kill his prey with trademark quickness in cold blood, as a superior who would never let his team waste away in vain. He was a man I respected with all my being, and sometimes I would grudgingly let him walk all over me just to make him happy. He was my redemption, but also, the very core of my romantic confusion..

“I fell for him because of his depth, his intelligence, his strength, his kindness. Behind that somewhat icy, bored façade, Kakashi has a heart made of gold. It was something only ANBU in Team Ro and the Sandaime knew, and perhaps his sensei. I was a teenager and I was supposed to be impressionable, but no, what I’ve felt for Kakashi was deeper than a mere senpai crush. I want him to be a permanent part of my life, and me a permanent fixture on his.

“I thought the sex was going to be enough for me. It was dirty and heady and soft and rough and my head often spun so much at the pleasure. I thought a gullible kid like me should not be experiencing that particular kind of euphoria, but fuck it, it was that good. I thought I’ll take anything my grubby hands can clutch on back then. It was only later when I became conscious of the fact that I wanted more out of this. Friends, comrades forever? It sounds good, right? But to be in a committed relationship, a real, romantic one with all the corny trimmings, it sounds even better.

“But who am I kidding? A person who has plenty of skeletons in his closet obviously will have a hard time committing on a more profound level. Yes, Kakashi-senpai allowed me ‘in’ literally, but getting inside him in a figurative manner was a difficult task to go through. Forbidden, even. For a while, I stopped trying and instead kept my feelings to myself. I just listened and absorbed whatever Kakashi taught me during trainings, enjoyed anything senpai gave me and returned the favor like a good kouhai would. I threw myself on missions with him, with the team. I trained until I bled. I gave him pleasure and solace, a shoulder to cry on. I tried to convince myself that what I was going through was just hormonal excess. Lust. Just skin deep. The sex was a bonus and a tool used to make us feel closer to each other, to deepen the bond between us…

“I-I tried to change him.. I tried to make him see beauty in this thankless world we live in. But there’s so little else you can achieve if the person wouldn’t even permit himself to exorcise his demons… My efforts are moot.. It’s agonizing to see him that way, but at this moment, I have to learn how to let go.. This time it’s not enemy ninja I have to confront, and it has proven to be far more difficult to pull off, letting go of a person you love..”

Tenzou lowered his head and glanced down beside him, stared absently at the row of clean tiles that covered the kitchen counter. All shiny white tiles without any trace of mold. He was always fastidious this way, he cleaned his kitchen when he had the time. Whenever Kakashi would drop by at random evenings to spend time with him, make love to him half of the night, he would always make sure the older man had breakfast the next day. It was always the works, not just a couple of toasts and brewed coffee and Kakashi loved him for that.

He and Kakashi together.. It’s not going to happen, Tenzou thought wistfully. The awareness hit him hard where it counts. Warm tears flooded the surface of his eyes and his voice broke as he started to speak once more.

“K-Kinoto.. I.. I am afraid it’s near.. It’s going to be over, soon. I might never see him again, I will never be with him again.. And it hurts like a fucker, Kinoto. It hurts a thousand and.. Shit, I don’t know what to do.. That thing about Kakashi-senpai and me remaining as friends after all this is a crock of shit...”

Kinoto felt Tenzou’s body stiffen, and the next thing he knew, Tenzou put his hands on his face and his shoulders quavered. The younger man turned his back away from him and he can hear deep, quiet sobs wrenching out of Tenzou’s throat. Dumbfounded, Kinoto reached out and gently laid his hands on the younger man’s shoulders. Without any hesitation, he ran his fingers through the soft masses of Tenzou’s russet hair. By the muted light of the moon, Tenzou’s hair held a gleam reminiscent of melted dark chocolate.

Kinoto slowly turned Tenzou around so he can face him. The young man’s cheeks were wet and flushed. An embarrassed grin played with his childlike features, and his big eyes, rife with apologies, still held the threat of tears. Kinoto gently cupped the younger man’s face and this tender motion prompted another stream of tears to pour out of Tenzou. With deliberate care, Kinoto pressed his lips underneath Tenzou’s lower lashes. He placed feather-light kisses on the younger man’s closed eyes to soothe him and gently licked away the trails of tears running down Tenzou’s face. Tenzou grasped the older ninja’s wrists, and Kinoto, worried that he might be doing something out of line, tried to draw his hands back. However, Tenzou gently pulled Kinoto’s hands down and placed them around his waist.

Kinoto was well aware of the fact that Tenzou was naked from the waist up. Except for the waiflike impression of his large eyes, Tenzou was more angular, strapping. A man this time. He was as fit as any shinobi in the village, blessed with an unconventional attractiveness. He pressed the younger man to him, determined to console and provide reassurance. Tenzou nestled his face on Kinoto’s neck, and soon the latter felt moisture seeping on the thin fabric of his ANBU halter top. Tenzou was quietly weeping again. Kinoto embraced him tightly now and ran his fingers up and down Tenzou’s spine. They stood like that by the sink for an indeterminate amount of time, bodies pressed closely together until Tenzou’s soft sobs receded bit by bit.

Outside it began to rain. There was a hiss as delicate tendrils of steam escaped solid, dry earth and pavement once the water graced them with moisture. The reek of soil and rain cloaked the village where most of its inhabitants lay still or restless in their beds and cots, sleeping and dreaming.

Tenzou pulled back from Kinoto’s embrace, his hands resting on the older ninja’s shoulders. There was heat pooling inside their bodies now. Listlessly, Tenzou played with the straps on Kinoto’s ANBU armor. When the older man did not object, Tenzou finally undid its straps and once loose, the young man let it slide down on the floor. A lone tear ran down his cheek once more and Kinoto brushed it away with a gloved hand. Tenzou nuzzled his face softly against the older ninja’s chest.

“I-I’m so lonely, Kinoto.. I have never been touched for a while. I’m just so lonely…” Tenzou murmured.

“Then let me.. I will stay with you for a few hours.. I can’t stand seeing you so helpless, Tenzou.. Let me take it all away, even just for tonight..” Kinoto whispered. He kissed the top of Tenzou’s head and the younger man held on to that kiss. He snaked his arms around the older ninja and pressed his hungry lips against Kinoto’s own, yielding ones.

“I’ll do anything you like.. Please don’t let me go just yet..” Kinoto spoke softly between kisses. Tenzou’s body suddenly felt rigid, but his grip on Kinoto remained. Kinoto nestled his face on the younger man’s neck, his body on fire now. Tenzou felt the softness of Kinoto’s lips grace the skin on his neck, the dull edges of his front teeth lightly nipping tender flesh. He gasped and sighed at every motion and he arched his back, the front of his pants now writhing against Kinoto’s own.

“This feels wrong..” Tenzou murmured.

“Allow yourself to let go and you’ll make it right..” Kinoto said gently. He stopped his ministrations and faced the younger man. “No matter what happens, Tenzou, I’m always here. I might not be able to see you as much as I want to because of certain restrictions, but please, do not feel alone. You have me, and always remember, there are other people out there besides Kakashi-san too.. In due course, you will meet new people. You will make other friends. Your heart will heal, and perhaps sooner or later, you and Kakashi-san will be friends once more.. As for Kakashi-san, if you have said that he has to give up certain ghosts first, then by all means, let him do it all by himself.. It’s not your job to do that anymore.. He has to heal on his own..”

Kinoto removed his gloves and gently tilted Tenzou’s chin with his hand. “The situation back there with you, years ago has taught me well. You showed me how to be a human again, Tenzou.. You brought me compassion, something a Root shinobi should never posses.. I owe you one for bringing it back to me.. Now let me return the favor..”

Kinoto threw his arms around Tenzou and they kissed once again, hungrier this time but with a tenderness that Tenzou needed. Kinoto carried the young man back to the bedroom and for a long time they laid in Tenzou’s bed, just kissing and letting their hands roam each other’s bodies. They pulled back just to take the rest of their clothing off, and once naked, went back to kissing. Kakashi’s kisses were always deep and rough, almost possessive but Kinoto’s stayed smooth and languid. They made love for three hours, tender at first, then more fervent. Kinoto’s hands and mouth, his teeth and tongue, his cock were succor to Tenzou’s visceral craving. Tenzou was a heatwave, and Kinoto was the downpour that he had been waiting for, yearning for a long time now.

Outside, the rain finally fell down in torrents.

Outside Tenzou’s bedroom, lurking in the dimness of the balcony was a figure clad in black. His face was concealed with the mask of a hound, his chakra expertly reduced to nothingness so as not to arouse suspicion.

Kakashi can hear the rising swells of sighs and moans inside. Tenzou’s earthy sensuality was often overshadowed by his childlike, wide eyes, and right about now, another man was enjoying it. Basking in Tenzou’s smells, the taste of his sex. He did not have the courage to peek and barge right in, confront his kouhai’s transgression. It’s what he wanted this time, after all; for Tenzou to seek consolation, love from other people. Tenzou does not need somebody who’s in pretty bad shape emotionally, Kakashi thought. He deserves somebody better. Someone emotionally stable and solid, properties that Kakashi thought he does not possess.

Tenzou moaned Kinoto’s name out loud, his sighs throaty and harsh.

A fist squeezed Kakashi’s heart, and he ached inside with unexpected might. He had lingered far too long. Without a sound, he went to the balcony’s railing and jumped out of the building, never looking back. He tried to convince himself that his decision was for the good of them both. Tenzou does not know that Kakashi indeed loves him in the very sense of the word, but the ANBU captain made sure it remained that way. Kakashi did not mind the vicious patter of late summer rain. He kept running and jumping, trying to escape what he has seen and heard. Tried to ignore a seething voice in his mind that once again, he had failed with what he considers is the most important person in his life right now.

Rainwater seeped inside Kakashi’s ANBU mask and mingled with the solitary tear that rolled down his left cheek.

The rain that roared and descended from the heavens in that moment, felt like a thousand tears.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

_Kakashi was not expecting the Lady Hokage’s surprises._

_He was re-reading Jiraiya-sama’s gifts of first edition Icha-Icha hardbound novels when the door opened and the Godaime came in. His heartbeat doubled up when Tenzou came into full view; taller, stronger, all man._

_It’s been a long time, senpai, his former kouhai said by way of greeting._

_Once again, he became witness to that sunny, wide Tenzou grin the younger man was fond of giving. Kakashi nodded and smiled right back, his eyes crinkling with unadulterated joy._

_“Tenzou, it is nice to see you again..” Kakashi said._

_“It’s Yamato now, senpai..” Yamato answered back evenly. The Godaime nodded, and she explained the reason for their visit. Tenzou, Yamato was made temporary captain for Team 7 until Kakashi recuperates and Kakashi cannot imagine anybody more capable than his former charge. The Godaime and Jiraiya-sama gave Yamato and Kakashi the heads-up regarding the Nine-Tailed beast sealed inside Naruto and after a brief exchange of opinions, Jiraiya-sama took off, followed by the Godaime. Yamato was about to go after the Lady Hokage when Kakashi called him back._

_“Tenzou, please stay..”_

_Yamato stood still at the doorway, absently watching the Godaime’s retreating figure in the hospital hallway._

_“I don’t like repeating myself over and over, senpai. Just to remind you, it’s Yamato I’m using now, not my ANBU name.. Orders from the Hokage..” Yamato said briskly._

_“I’m sorry, Yamato.. Please.. Have a seat..” Kakashi said, patting the chair next to his bed. Sighing quietly, Yamato gently closed the door and walked over to his former ANBU captain’s bed. He sat on the chair and leaned against the back of the seat. Thick, loaded silence dawned on them both. Kakashi thumbed through the pages of his book listlessly, made a dog-ear on a page then closed the book with a sharp thump._

_“We have to talk, Tenzou..”_

_Yamato lowered his head, grinning slyly. “Yamato..”_

_“Right, Yamato..” Kakashi chuckled softly._

_“What are we going to talk about, senpai?” Yamato said crisply. Kakashi looked at the window adjacent to his bed and after a heartbeat, faced his former ANBU charge. He dragged the stretchy fabric of his mask down and Yamato thought it was a sure sign that they were going to talk about the past._

_“Everything..” Kakashi murmured. The older man closed his eye then held his hand out to Yamato and waited. And waited._

_“Start talking..” Yamato whispered back._

_Kakashi felt gentle pressure around his hand and he smiled gratefully at the full weight of Yamato’s hands wrapped around his. He opened his eye, and started to speak._

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note:**

> Typically, shūdo is a samurai practice, but I decided to make it the basis of the Kakashi/Tenzou relationship in this story. I took some small aspects of it. There oughta be more Kinoto stories out there and I’d love to make more, but sadly it will depend on my mood so I can’t promise anything. Most of the stories in my account often depended on ze mood that’s why I have a hard time updating chapters or finishing stories every so often. 
> 
> I decided not to make a long, graphic sex scene because I felt it was unnecessary. I’ve never written a sad-sounding, angsty piece in years, actually. Since 2005. I stopped writing around 2006 I think, then went back to it only last year.
> 
> I will try to finish a chapter on TT after this. I have to pull myself together first because I’ve been a very, very sick person the past few weeks. 
> 
> I can’t joke around like usual on my notes. I am currently riding the waves of bipolar lows. I ran out of jokes.


End file.
